i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
