At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
