wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
