I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
