Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am one with the molecules
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
