Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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