I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
