I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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