I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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