Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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