Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
