I want to have your abortion
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
