I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
