2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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