we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
