just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
