I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
