Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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