Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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