She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
