I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
