you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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