So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
3 2 1 whiskey
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
