I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
