so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
