I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
