the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
