Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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