Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
