i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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