i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize