A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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