I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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