dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
