You're so nebulous sometimes
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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