you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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