We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
