I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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