There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just invented taco cereal.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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