So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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