also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
