Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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