I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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