But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
