you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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