I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
