you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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