She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
