porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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