nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
